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25 ways to confuse your professors

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Wednesday, November 29, 2006 in
1. Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as if you have a question, and mumble your question incoherently while brushing, spewing toothpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to your actions, go on a tirade about proper oral hygiene.

2. Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away from your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out things like, "What!?" and "Speak up! You're mumbling!" If your professor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell him/her you can't because you're scouting the room for "assassins."

3. If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, and bring a pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock. Wear your pajamas. Lie down on the air mattress with the pillow and the blankets and act like you're asleep. Have the alarm set for about two minutes into class. When it goes off, preferably very loudly, hit the "snooze" button and go back to sleep. Keep doing so for the duration of the class.

4. Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get him/her to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a big liar your professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down all these lies!"

5. Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a bicycle, yell, "Look out!", and crash into the blackboard. Get up, take a seat, and act like nothing happened. Do this every day.

6. Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it is, start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. Don't return for the rest of class.

7. Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take attendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through class, jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm here! Fooled you again!" Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.

8. Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair. Throughout class, cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Please kill me!" Get up during class, like you're going to miraculously start walking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for someone to help you back up. When class is over, say, "I feel better now," leap up, and run home.

9. Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes into class, release the hornets, scream, and run away.

10. Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using it. If your professor objects, explain that you "can't stand sitting in this pigsty any longer." Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.

11. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as if you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it fails to "speak." When you leave the room after class, start yelling at the cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN...."

12. Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects, explain that drinking games make the class more interesting.

13. When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.

14. Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get your professor to guess who you are. Shoot him/her with a water pistol, scream, and run around the room knocking things over. Say, "Pretty scary, huh?"

15. Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a surprise party for your professor. Insist that you can't start class until he/she has a piece of cake. Keep asking people when the strippers are going to arrive.

16. Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class. Call the paintings things like, "Professor Acting Like Mr. Know-It-All" or "Idiot Who Doesn't Know What The Hell He's Talking About." Give the paintings to your professor as gifts.

17. Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, "Bingo!" Apologize, and explain that you got confused.

18. Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, and present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit.

19. Write your professor a note that says, "I'm going to be about 15 minutes late. Go ahead and start without me." Wait outside the building until the time when class is supposed to begin. Tie the note to a rock, and throw it through the window.

20. Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think up a melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class and perform the song for the class. Explain to your professor that he/she is "very inspiring."

21. Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor that you've hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during class, letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time to write a paper or take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a banana" and "I miss my tire swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in front of your professor.

22. When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your professor's house. From then on, don't hand anything in, and blame it on the sluggishness of the U.S. Postal Service.

23. Tell your professor that you'd like to interview him/her for a writing class. Get him/her to tell you his/her life story. Act interested, and write down everything he/she says. Fabricate a few romantic interludes and turn your efforts into a trashy romance novel. Make copies for the entire class, and your professor. Demand extra credit.

24. Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to them, write things like, "You're the best, even though you suck" and "You're the worst professor in the world, but I still love you."

25. Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your professor is stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other people in the class to start speaking the fake language too, and have frequent discussions during class. Act like you're really interested in what you're discussing. If your professor tries to interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for him/her to quiet down.

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Bored!

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Saturday, November 18, 2006 in
After this examination era, I feel so bored, cuz there's nothing to study! :(

Can't hop around the house 24x7

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Rezult

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Friday, November 17, 2006 in
Me got 21/25 in Statistical Inference.

And me lost those 4 marks in those silly mistakesssssssssssss....Arghhhh!

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Broken

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Tuesday, November 14, 2006 in


And then there are times when your feelings are shattered like a broken glass...




...Try recollecting them, and you'll be consoled once again!


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Cookies Deactivated

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Tuesday, November 14, 2006 in
When I plan to update my blog from home, Blogger Uncle says "I can't" because I have eaten their cookies! :'(

Then, Genius Me decided to bring the CD here, at the university, and update my blog from here. But this same Stooopid Me forgot to bring the CD here. According to my time table, Tuesdays are busy. In the morning I decided to slide the CD in my bag, but thought I wouldn't get time today so I put it back on the desk. See, Dinky Mind's so rusted!

I need cookies at home, so I could give them to Blogger Uncle, so I would be granted access to Blogland.

*sighs*

Cheerio folks =)

P.S.: I need your prayers, just bohatttt saaaaariiiii

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Trip to KSA

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Monday, November 13, 2006 in
Pics will be uploaded soon, if my PC behaves well!

;)

Cheerio!

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Winter, I miss you!!!

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Friday, November 10, 2006 in
It's almost mid november and no sign of winters!!! It's true, people are feeling cold these days, but that's because of fever, not winter. Although I like summers more than winters ( the sun AND the wind), but this time of the year I am waiting for chilly days. I am waiting to curl up in bed and sleep for a day or two! I'm so sleep-deprived these days, and I just can't wait for winter nights to spend in my comfy blanky.

Cheerio!

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Procrastination

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Thursday, November 09, 2006 in
Its 12:09 now. I'm done with my Office Automation's exam (don't ask how it went), and now when I should be studying Statistics for tomorrow, I'm wasting time. I have brought the books and notes to study AT the university, but I am so easily delaying my work. I won't get a minute's time to study at home, but this idiot me is not in a mood of accepting this stark reality. Aaaargggghhhh. What's the problem with me??

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BRB

Posted by Umema Siddiqi on Friday, November 03, 2006 in
Please wait...

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